Divine Syntax

October 31, 2009

Drawn to you by an invisible magnet somewhere in creation, I found myself before you. Happy discovery, though you were not lost, and thriving nicely in your world. I was thrilled by your charm, verve and attraction. Your eyes pulled me in; I could see you and so wanted to know you.

Playful banter and mild flirtation blew off the dust from pages written on my heart long ago. Somehow, by means of which only God and you know, you were able to read me: who I was, who I am, who I long to be. You saw all the redlined text and considered the passionate language that had been stricken-out by bitter hurt, disappointment and the chill of time. You turned the yellowed page where I had lost interest and put down my pen. There, you saw a crisp, blank, new page. Unwritten.

You danced across my life with arms spread wide, like wings, in jubilant uninhibited motion, doing what you do best: being yourself!

You reached for my hand, hesitantly, I accepted. You bowed low and long and kissed my hand more gracefully than I could ever have imagined.

One day, you gave me roses… so thoughtful and precious. The bouquet was the most beautiful I had ever seen, delivered by a little boy, wide-eyed and innocent, with both hands embracing a gift and no ulterior motive except for a wish from a pure heart to brighten my day.

I was smitten.

Along the way, you romanced my heart in new and different ways, loving me as a friend, a teacher, a minister, a clown, a guide, a crooner, a rock star, a dancer, an artist, a poet, a counselor, a brother, a mentor, a daddy….

You had read somewhere on those dusty old pages of my heart that I had abandoned trust some time ago. I was cynical. I didn’t believe in “true love.”

When you first captured my heart, all I could do was cry. I had never cried so much in my life! They were big happy tears because no one had ever treated me as special as you did. In bewilderment, I kept asking myself, why you were so sweet to me. I just couldn’t understand it. I couldn’t see the worth you had applied to me. You made me feel special.

When I fell so deeply in love with you, you gently pointed out dangerous blind spots in my perspective. Though the pain of those lessons was excruciating, I listened to you, because you had earned my trust. You asked me to fall backwards and let Jesus catch me. You weren’t going to do it.

I was confused, angry and so hurt.

In agony, I ripped out all the pages of my broken heart – because you had read them. I felt so violated and betrayed. How dare you woo me into a frenzy, make me feel so amazingly special and encourage me to bare my soul, only to find that it made you uncomfortable! In a torrent, I gathered every page of my romantic and idyllic thoughts and threw them into the fire. Without realizing where I truly was, I had come to the end of myself. I didn’t want to be a woman merely in love with the idea of being in love. I wanted to be loved, truly and deeply. I fed the raging inferno, page at a time until every last one was burned, then I walked away from the fire after watching what I believed to be my dreams turn to ashes. 

I lashed out like a spoiled child and turned my back on you. Later in my embarrassment, I realized that I had failed to consider the issue of your discomfort. How very small and selfish of me. I so wanted to run to you and tell you how sorry I was and how foolish I had been. But, I didn’t. Little did I know, you were fully aware of the whole ugly scene.

Even so, you were with me in the darkness, even though I thought you had gone. I believe you prayed for me. Eventually, you reached out and encouraged me to keep moving forward and continue trusting Jesus – not you, or myself – but Daddy God. You encouraged me to allow God to love all of me: even The Woman.

God proves Himself  to me, as the lover – The Fulfillment – of my soul.

Nobody had ever introduced me to Jesus as such. I had not been able to comprehend such a love. He used you to introduce me to that concept. He unfolds the mystery of Himself in my life as only He can. He loves so deeply and exclusively. He moves heaven and earth to show Himself to each of us, right where we are, in our own language.

I have fallen deeply in love with Him. I trust Him. I believe He knows how deeply I love and adore you. Nobody can love me like you do.

God is love. Love is a miracle. He is the Flame.

Each new day is a new page, unwritten. I believe Love’s hands have woven our hearts together with words and a three-cord strand of mysterious divinity. I am so thankful for you and cherish each and every moment we spend together.

God is the Author and the Finisher. Every good thing comes from Him. He does all things well.

antiquewriting

Joy or Sorrow

October 7, 2009

Joy is an instant motivator.

Sorrow saps ambition from my bloodstream.

Joy gives me wings whereas the weight of sorrow renders the same wings powerless. Joy feeds my soul and gives my body energy and determination to carry on regardless of my physical needs at the time.

Sorrow is a thief stealing away perfect health and vitality at its first appearance.

Which is greater? Joy is greater! It gives of itself and renders fruitfulness. It is a benefactor of greatness from the very smallest of things: a smile, a twinkle in the eye, a warm hug….

Sorrow is the least of things, but a fearsome terrorist, a black hole. It is the densest void and worthless on its own, never giving anything back, but steals and destroys everything to including health, wealth, creativity, sanity and the very will to live.

I choose joy.

“…Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” -Nehemiah 8:10

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Here’s a bit of obscure glimpses gathered from a very ordinary but beautiful autumn day. In and of themselves, these photos are those that would have ended up deleted apart from this quaint little exercise.

As I awoke this morning, I remembered to take a picture of my first viewing, which was the ceiling. Upon deciding that view was completely blah, I shot the alarm clock to document the time at which my hourly documentary was to begin. Because this shot was so very close and we were instructed not to re-shoot photos, I decided at this point that my theme would be “Up Close and Personal.”

Exhibit A: The Alarm Clock.IMG00423-20091002-0711

Taking my time getting out of bed and into the day, this next photo is of my attempt to make a pot of coffee while using my left hand to take the picture. I re-shot the photo sans the spill, however, I felt guilty at being disingenuous and vowed to be true to the “one shot rule.” So, here we have

Exhibit B: The Mess.IMG00426-20091002-0815

Once I got the coffee underway, I unloaded the dishwasher, made breakfast, ate breakfast, had a cup of coffee, cleaned my breakfast mess and sat down to some time on Twitter time. I usually use TweetDeck, but that was a little too up close and personal, so before taking the one shot, I secured my screen a little bit… so you know.

Exhibit C: Twitter IMG00428-20091002-0915

After taking care of beloved tweeps and showing gratitude for RTs and showing #FollowFriday love, I began to get ready for the day. At the 13th minute of the hour, I was in the throws of primping and coiffing.

Exhibit D: The Dressing TableIMG00429-20091002-1013

 As the day moved ahead, the moment to shoot came as I was on the phone making plans with my 18-year-old son to see a double feature of “Toy Story” and “Toy Story 3” in 3D!! This is a sentimental thing perhaps more for me than him. He watched it no less than 500 times, I’m sure. The sounds of Buzz, Woody and the delightful gang of Andy’s toys rang throughout our household for a solid year. He’s such a good son, my boy. He’s taking me to see it Saturday morning before he goes to work. They grow so fast : (.

Exhibit E: “Toy Story” Double FeatureIMG00431-20091002-1213

 My intention was to spend some time in the garden today and bring in my geraniums. One thing lead to another and it didn’t happen. Outlook reminded me it was time to take another photo way too soon, in my opinion. I was on my way out the door and this is the incidental result.

 Exhibit F: Out the DoorIMG00432-20091002-1314

 I didn’t go outside, afterall. Instead, I decided to have lunch. I made a salad of spinach and a leftover rosemary chicken breast, a bit of onion, tomato, cracked pepper and provolone cheese. It was a beautiful salad and I so wanted to photograph it, but… that would be dishonest as I was just shy of the 13th minute on the hour and too hungry to wait. After having lunch, I sat down to catch up on my DVR of last night’s Late Late Show, with the magnificent host Craig Ferguson.

Exhibit G: The King of Late Night (reading e-mail)IMG00434-20091002-1414

After viewing the show, I sat down to take care of some business and pay bills. When Outlook reminded me that it was time, I looked up and saw stars, kind of.

Exhibit H: The Cosmos by Carl SaganIMG00437-20091002-1514

After paying bills, I decided to go for a walk and soak in some autumn sun and crisp air. It was the perfect day for it. I saw many wonderful things that would have made great pictures. Leaves changing, vibrant flowers, water fountains, the clearest blue skies and great architecture. A squirrel even seemed to pose on a limb for me, but it was not yet time to shot the 13th minute shot. When the time came, I was a in a lovely little gift shop.  

Exhibit I: Cupid & PsycheIMG00439-20091002-1617

I bought a Venetian glass pen and a couple of blank journals and headed to the local art supply store to purchase some India ink. I so wanted to take a photo of colorful paints or beautiful brushes, but staying true to form, I continued on with my normal course. Below is a fleur de lis atop a wrought iron fence. I thought it was a very pretty element.

Exhibit J: Fleur de LisIMG00441-20091002-1713

By the time I arrived back home, the day sun was getting ready to set. I would have loved to photograph a sunset. Truth is, I haven’t seen a sunset since late July. This is a sweet little place. One of my very favorite places, as a matter of fact.

Exhibit K: Porch SwingIMG00445-20091002-1814

This is a funny picture to me now. At the time, however, it was NOT remotely funny. This photo was taken at a point of low-level melt down. Somehow, I managed to convince myself that my e-mail address was something very close to what it truly is. After numerous attempts at trying to log in to the incorrect account, the domain put a security lock on the e-mail user name that I was innocently trying to hack into believing with all of my heart that it was my own.  When Outlook politely dinged at me to announce the time had come. I picked up my phone and took this picture without any thought or care as to what the result would be, going from the peaceful quiet of “Porch Swing” to, well… you decide.

Exhibit L: ____________________________IMG00448-20091002-1919

After realizing that I was trying to hack into someone else’s e-mail account, I accessed my own without incident or breaching security. I checked my e-mail and then spent some time listening to music on YouTube. When Outlook made its announcement, I was listening to “Please Come to Boston” by Dave Loggins. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2k2F78LgdI&feature=PlayList&p=1EE5A8D233CCCEDD&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=5

Exhibit M: Dave Loggins – Please Come To Boston – 1974IMG00450-20091002-2026

I got lost in a number of different pieces of music during the hour that passed between the pictures above and below. When Outlook announced the 13th minute of the hour had arrived, I jumped up and looked around for something interesting to photograph. While the picture below is neither interesting nor up close and personal, it is the picture for the 10 o’clock hour.

Exhibit N: Hats, etc.IMG00452-20091002-2222

Right after the Hats picture was taken I began to download the day’s photos and document them in this lame editorial. When Outlook reminded that me the 13th minute of the hour had come, I was occupied by the loveliness of my life which will not be disclosed herein, resulting in the afterthought photo set out below.

Exhibit O: Dark Kitchen
IMG00453-20091002-2314

Looking back at these photos, I see captured images that I would have perhaps forgotten. Intentionally taking a picture on the hour reminds me of a couple of things: 1) how quickly time passes 2) how important it is to be prepared and 3) most importantly…  just be in the moment.

Today is a Waltz

October 1, 2009

This feeling inside my soul today is a waltz. You take my hand, we look deeply into each other’s eyes. You lead, I follow. We move across the floor like a dream. We float without effort in rhythm with our hearts beating as one… then, in syncopation… beating together again. You cause my heart to skip a beat, or two. I remember to breathe. I smile to see I leave you breathless, too. Never before have I felt so alive as I do in this dance. Never before have I felt such comfort as I do in your arms. Your graceful elegance makes me feel like a queen. This reality is more beautiful than any dream I have ever dreamed.

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